11:11 a.m. - 2004-10-26
Nice N' Easy - Which Are You?
I think I�m gonna have to rename my site �A Step Behind Incredipete�. Because I am dammit. I wonder sometimes if he just lies awake thinking of thought-provoking topics to cover the next day.
Nice guys. Are they really too nice? Or are they just the wrong person for whoever is calling them that?
If I had a penny for every time I�ve heard a guy say that he can�t find a woman because he�s always labeled too nice, then I�d at least have enough to go buy a Big Mac and a Coke. I�m not particularly fond of the Big Mac. But you get my point.
As far as I�m concerned, the mentality of being labeled as a �nice guy = can�t get woman� is the same as a woman saying that she can�t find a man who�s just a plain nice guy. And believe me, I�ve heard that just as many times. Perhaps not enough for a Big Mac. But at least a large fry and a Coke.
So why haven�t these two groups of individuals found each other yet? Mind boggling isn�t it?
Because what they�re saying isn�t true about themselves or about the other person. Period.
It�s not that woman prefer someone who lives dangerously. I don�t think a more ridiculous notion has been brought to the table of reasons for rejection. We don�t want a guy who stays out all night, gets into bar room fights and requires you to keep an ample amount of bail money on hand. We don�t always prefer the leather jacket to the denim one. We don�t prefer a guy making minimum wage at the local Circle K to a guy who is an engineer with a high IQ. We don�t prefer a wanderer with no family who moves with the wind, as opposed to one who sees his mother on a regular basis and knows where he�ll put his Christmas tree in his living room.
What we do prefer is someone who is tailor made for us. As does anyone, including men.
Perhaps it would be easier to understand if I defined what the term �nice� means to me, and several other woman out there. Probably more, considering that these definitions are from the damn dictionary.
Nice - 1. A city southeast of France on the Mediterranean Sea northeast of Cannes. 2. Pleasing and agreeable in nature. 3. Having a pleasant or attractive appearance. Exhibiting politeness and courtesy. 4. Of good character and reputation.
In middle English terms it meant �accurate�.
So I ask you, if a woman says to you that she does not go for �nice� guys, does she mean that she doesn�t want someone who is either living in France (in which case she�d be insane), pleasing and agreeable, pleasant in appearance, or polite? Or does she mean that doesn�t want someone who is accurate for her?
I guess my point, in a very roundabout way, is that perhaps she is just saying that you aren�t right for her and she�s ready to move on. Which way would you rather hear it?
Lump it in with the phrases �We can still be friends� or �It�s not you, it�s me� if that makes you feel better. I�ll give it to you that it must be difficult to hear this from a woman. Perhaps you�d enjoy the hard truth that they don�t find you attractive anymore, that you don�t want the same things out of life, that you suck in the boudoir. Or perhaps, gentlemen, the next time you hear that you�re too nice for her and that she doesn�t go for that type, you can sigh a sigh of big relief. Cause in my opinion, it�s better to hear that (a soft blow lie for the truth) rather than have her spend the next few years settling for you.
No one should be settled for.
So kick up your heels and whip out the ticker tape for that parade. Cause you have many excellent qualities which will reel you in someone who is cut from the same cloth.
I myself have recently come face to face with being �less than perfect�. Can you imagine? I couldn�t either. I mentioned in my last post that my boyfriend told me, albeit while drunk, that I was ALMOST everything he was looking for.
I don�t see how this is any different than hearing that you�re too nice. While I haven�t decided if I should speak with him about this yet, I did have to think about it for several days. How am I not enough? Is it my appearance? Is cause I can�t cook? Is it my sense of humor? Is it is it is it is it??????? What in God�s name IS IT?
I came to terms that IT isn�t my concern. If this person really feels that way, then he�s not everything I am looking for either.
I think this line of thinking can work with �too nice� too.
