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9:10 a.m. - 2004-10-27 I�ve composed a few letters that I am sending out to the complaint departments of said machines. *************************************** Our office spent $1000 on your printer/copier. It does not print. It does not copy. I thought you should know. It does, however, eat a multitude of paper every day. Everyone is frightened of it now because if it doesn�t get it�s daily fix of paper, it takes on a menacing look. Also, I can�t believe you guys charge a grand for this piece of shit. If I were trapped on a island with the choice between eating my own foot and using this printer, I�d ask for some salt. Sincerely, Pissed Office Manager *************************************** Dear Xerox- I can�t stand you fuckers. I�ve had a broken copier for over two months. Your maintenance guy has never showed up, despite the 25 phones calls I�ve made. Hopefully, he has a good excuse, like he�s dead or something. In the meantime, I�ve had to drive to fucking Kinkos every day to make copies. I can�t tell you how angry this makes me, but I can tell you that in the next life I hope everyone who works for Xerox is forced to spend eternity standing in line at Kinkos. Fuck off, Pissed Office Manager *************************************** Dear Swingline, Makers of the Oldest Stapler Ever- Pack it up. You guys threw quality out the door a long fucking time ago. Every fucking time I use your piece of shit stapler, it jams. Every. God. Damn. Time. I hope your entire design department gets premature impotence. Pissed Office Manager. *************************************** Dear Asinine Employer- Quit clearing your fucking throat every 7.2 seconds. It�s driving me fucking crazy and if I had a cough drop, I�d shove it down your throat. You flip flop wearing idiot. Employee
Other than that, I feel really positive today. |