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2:34 p.m. - 2004-10-25
Weekend Review

Normally, I don�t like doing recaps of the weekend. You weren�t there, so why would you find it interesting? My logic on this was shattered when I realized that if you find anything I write interesting, then a weekend update would be no different than me talking about, say, my dislike for water chestnuts.

Which, for future reference, I find are the most useless vegetable that we have going for us today.

So on with the review. Five stars being the �This is what I live for� of weekend fun, 0 stars being the �I�d could just as well be at work� feeling.

Friday:

Not technically a weekend day, I realize this, however, I went home at 9am. My boss called and said he wasn�t gonna be in all day, and since I had little to do in the work department, and no one to convince that I was oh-so-busy, I took a sick day. I spent the morning watching Good Fellas and eating tons of junk food. Five stars for that brilliant decision.

The afternoon was spent doing some light housework, cause I try to avoid the �heavy� shit. I give it 3 stars, as I would rather scrub floors and clean toilets than be at work. Any single day of the week.

The evening was spent being stood up. That�s right. By my own boyfriend. He spent the evening at a friends house getting 2 levels past shit faced on an entire bottle of Plum Brandy. The drink of the homeland! He then crashed at my house, threw up several times, and actually tried to get busy with me after telling me that I was ALMOST everything he was looking for in a mate. I give this -1 star. This just plain sucked. On so many many levels.

Saturday:

I went to the U of A football game with my grandfather. He played there in 1946 and was best friends with his coach until his death a few months ago. The coach. Not my grandfather. Died that is. Anyways, here is some of the banter between us. Please keep in mind that my granddad is a Pastor.

Me: Wow. We�re losing 28 to zip.
Him: But they sure do have some cute cheerleaders.

Him: Well they didn�t fool anyone on that play.
Me: No Granddad. I don�t think they did. Considering the quarterback was sacked.

Me: Hey. Look at that woman.
Him: Hmmm. It�s a bearded lady. Look how thick it is!

Him: Woooweee. Sure am glad I made it here so fast, cause it would be embarrassing for you for your grandpa to pee his pants here in public.
Me:�����������yes. Um, why didn�t you just use my bathroom when you picked me up?
Him: I didn�t want to be rude.
Me: Peeing your pants at the college football game would give �rude� a whole new definition.

Me: So that part is the old part of stadium?
Him: Yep. It was here when I was playing. Me and a guy used to get drunk and stoned right there on that wall.

Me: How�s Grandma doing?
Him: She�s good. But she�s slowed down in the bedroom a little.
Me:�������.
Him: So how�s your love life?
Me:����������I�m gonna go get some more peanuts.

And so on. I give it 4 stars cause the bearded lady alone was enough to make the afternoon special. Literally. Full on beard.

Sunday

Slept till 10 and went to IHOP for breakfast. 3 stars. Terrible coffee though. Tried to make myself some spaghetti. 1 star. I should know better than to try and be creative in the kitchen.

And here it is now Monday. Negative infinity stars.

On another note, I have an intense fear of trying on shoes at a store due to unnecessary exposure to other people�s foot swank. However, I have the conflicting compulsion to try on shoes because I�m a compulsive shoe buyer. Let me know the solution to that one.

Also, I noticed there were no cuss words used in this entry. What the fuck is that about?

Oh i see. I did swear earlier. Thank Heavens!

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