3:46 p.m. - 2004-07-21
File that under T
I submit the following examples to show how retarded my day was. If you think I�m being too judgmental then I will be forced to file your opinion in the �Tard File� as well.
My boss rudely interrupted a phone call with a client to give me a �notice� from Pat Whoever telling him that he needed to call the 800 # immediately because Pat Whatever has been trying to reach him to tell him that he won a million dollars. Could I please call Pat right away to see if he really won?
RE-TAR-TED
I bought a crappy burrito at the local Circle Krap for lunch. This was in fact the best I could do. I was simply too hot and humid to enjoy any fast food today. So I opted for really-fucking-fast food. When opening the package, I wondered how long I should put it in the microwave. You know, cause too long in it and I would be eating a bean flavored log. So I read the package for a hint as to how long they think. It said �Remove from package, turn over in microwave every 30 seconds, heat until hot and soft�. No fucking shit.
RETARDINGLY UNHELPFUL
A random ass-client walked in the office. He was carrying a little mini golf bag with a big clear tube sticking out of the end of it. It looked like a giant dick pump. He said to me, �Do you know what this is?� I answered, �Is it for golf?�. I apparently said this with a great amount of disgust because his response was to look surprised and say, �You don�t play golf??!!�.
Does ANYTHING about me look like I play golf?
RE-FUCKING-TAR-TED-ASSHOLE
So then the guy begins showing me what it does, this �Ball Shagger�, uh huh, cause I look interested right? Apparently, golfers are so fucking lazy that they not only need a little car to get around, but they need a device to pick up their balls. You hold the bag and push the tube down over the ball and it sucks it up. Only his doesn�t do that. His gets stuck in the opening. After hiding my smile that this jack hole actually carries a ball around in his pocket, I am forced to hold back fits of retarded laughter as he tries to dislodge his ball all the while muttering shit like, �My ball should be able to get sucked with no problem�, and �It�s really tight in there�, and �No one likes to reach down for their balls�. Ball Shagger.
TARD-IFFIC
I hope you weren�t thinking the comments page works yet. That would be anti-retarded. And that�s not me today.
