1:54 p.m. - 2005-06-29
Florida can suck it
Florida. Florida is an enigma to me. All we here about is how people go to retire there, how its full of bare-breasted beach parties, and the oceans are to die for.
I�m here to tell you officially, that Florida fucking sucks tight ass.
To send your parents there to retire, is pretty fucking mean if you tell me. I have never encountered anywhere that I was so anxious to get away from.
Commence sum up of trip to hell:
We drove to Phoenix the night before our plane left and stayed with a friend, who for the purpose of this story, will be named Asshole. Asshole decided that oh by golly no we can�t just call it a night, we have to go out out out! So we were out until 4am. Our plane left at 6am. We spent about 10 hours feeling hung over on a plane that can only hold a 5�8� person at best in each chair. We are 6� and 6�5� respectively. When we arrived, our friend informed us that he did not have a car because he lives in South Beach in Miami and who the hell needs a car? He followed that up with the fact of our bus ride home from the airport to his house would take roughly 2 12 hours.
I happily paid for a cab. Best $25 bucks and 20 minutes I ever spent.
When we get to his house, his wife is making dinner. I no longer cared that they only had a one bedroom apartment and that we were gonna stay on the couch. I was so fucking tired, I cared not.
When we walked in, it turned out to be a studio apartment. Nothing like having to sleep on a bed next to another bed with two adults on it. I am no longer 20 people. I do not find these types of arrangements to be fun any longer.
They were very gracious hosts though. However, his wife was from Thailand, so we ate a lot of Thai food. Nothing like sharing one itty bitty bathroom with four people eating Thai food.
We spent most of the trip walking for fucking ever. We estimated that we walked a good 6 miles a day. Way too much for me. Way too fucking much.
We noticed the beach areas were dirty, it was crowded, and everything cost like, a shitload. We did have some good times though.
Here's one busy beach for Tuesday afternoon. Doesn't anyone fucking work at 11am?
Here's the two people we stayed with at jesusthankgod a Starbucks.
Sunburnt and drunk enough at the Irish Pub to forget that we were wearing matching colors.
Cool tree that only blooms at night and has some weird tendrels.
Wicked bitchin-ass roller coaster at Busch Gardens. I kinda peed my pants.
Me behaving like a tourist at Busch Gardens. Can you believe there was no line to take your picture like this??
We went to Busch gardens and saw more friends. All in all, it wasn�t that bad. It�s just that Florida sucked. It was so humid, the boyfriend couldn�t stop sweating. You couldn�t breathe for fucks sake. There were swamps, like, everywhere! It stank and the people were atrocious.
Trip to see boyfriends friends he hasn�t seen since beginning of war: Priceless
Trip to Florida: Fucking waste of money.
Also: This made me fucking laugh so hard that I snorted a little snot out.
