11:19 a.m. - 2004-10-12
In Response To That
Abortion.
If you�re sick of this topic, raise your hand.
Me too.
However, I surprise myself each time I take a new interest in the topic when I see a strong argument present itself, as you�ll find in incredipete's entry.
I don�t know Pete from my mailman. For all I know, he�s the same guy. But I do read his entries everyday, and while some of us put on facades and perform as though we are here to entertain on DLand, Pete has shown consistency in voicing his opinions in a concise manner. Whether or not I agree with them is a moot point. I�m simply pointing out that he presents an argument well on many levels. From the upcoming election, to the death penalty, to irritating people who think they�re cool, he has a straightforward manner in telling you what he thinks, and gives examples to back his ass up.
However, his argument on abortion refueled my own churning thoughts about the issue that had been stagnant in my mind for some time. And for good reason. And for the first time in a very long time, I wish to express my view on the subject. If you�re not interested, go here and waste some valuable time killing brain cells. Mind you, this is not a direct counter argument to Pete�s. I feel that in these type of issues (i.e., moral ones) there is no way to shove or outsmart someone in what they think is wrong or right. You can express, and hope for the best. But honestly, if going around and just counter arguing people was enough to sway them to your �way of thinking� (i.e., the �right� way) then we would just shove all the child molesters, rapists, murders ect into a �Morals For Dummies� class and be done with it. Exposure, overexposure and downright beating it into people never works. When it comes to morals, people are on opposite sides of the fences on many issues. There is no changing that. So again, my views on this subject are just that. My views. Perhaps that is considered a cop-out to some, but if that�s the case, then they aren�t truly listening to my argument. All they are hearing is that I am disagreeing with them.
People don�t tend to like that.
Disagreeing with them that is.
We�ll begin with the Catholics. I am in no way educated enough to even pretend that I know what the hell those people are doing. I know bits and pieces. Some truth, some urban myth. I hope. When I was 16 I began dating my first boyfriend. For whatever reason, and to this day I know not how the idea was in me, I felt abortion was wrong. Perhaps it IS just instilled in us, that this is a life and one to be nurtured, not killed. I do know that the issue of abortion was not as rampant as it is today. You certainly never heard it mentioned on TV or in classrooms. At the time, I had heard Catholics do not use birth control, because in essence, it was a form of �killing�. Actually, I�ll rephrase that cause I can hear all the Catholics screaming at me know for getting that wrong. To use birth control would be to be a blocker on what God intended. This was my view. I was also sexually active. I kept my views. Whether or not it was a correct view is irrelevant. My view at that time left out something important. I was not old enough to make the educated adult decision to protect myself against pregnancy. And when my mother insisted that I begin birth control, I flat out ignored her because I was gonna stand by what I thought was right dammit.
I was pregnant at 17. Looking back, that was a no-brainer. Which is what my mother saw. Which is why she insisted what she did. Which is why my views/morals began to shake and fall apart when I found out that not preventing what God intended meant that even at the young age of 17, I would have to stand by my decisions.
My mother convinced me to have an abortion. Her argument, one which I was willing to listen to considering the results in not listening to her before, was that I was too young to even begin to understand the ramifications of having a child. Point taken, even if I didn�t understand it. She argued that while I could give it up for adoption, the person I was and how attached I became to people and animals, would cause me to forego giving it up in the end and therefore put me back in the same predicament. She argued that she had had them herself and that knowing there were children out in the world that you gave up was much worse than terminating something that you had not grown to love yet.
I took her advice. One, because she was my mother, I was scared and had no idea what to do. And two, because I believed her.
I have never experienced anything more traumatic in my entire life. I have never been so scared or so heartbroken as I was that day. And my first instinct and thought afterwards was, this was a mistake. It would take me years to come to terms with that �mistake�. And it would take even longer to come to the realization that my initial attitude towards birth control was the real mistake.
While I don�t run and out and hold up signs saying Pro-Choice!, I do not regret that I had it done. My life would be very very different right now if I had a 13 year old. I do not regret being selfish at such a young age and making that enormous mistake. I do however remember what I would have had (a child) had I not had the abortion. I remember this as often as my emotions allow. I do regret not taking birth control in the first place. I do regret putting myself in a position that cost me a very high emotional price.
My stance is this: It did not matter if my mother thought it was okay. It did not matter if there were a 100 people standing behind me saying Pro-Choice! They were not the ones who had to live with the decision. They pack up their signs and go home for the day. It did not matter that my father would have been ashamed of me. It did not matter that there were 100 people standing behind me saying Baby Killer! They were not the ones who would have had to live with a child that would be a possible regret or a root of some deep resentment towards them, myself, or my life. They also get to pack up their signs and go home for the day. What mattered was how I was going to feel. And you cannot possibly know that until you make a decision. To terminate or to not. Either way, in an unwanted, or unplanned pregnancy, you will have regret.
I will not ever tell another woman that what she is doing is wrong or right in terms of abortion. We all have our own decisions, regrets, grievances and such to live with. I will tell her this though: Be damn sure that that is what you want to live with for the rest of your life. Whether it is the knowledge that your life could be different/better/happier without the child in your life, or the knowledge that your life could be different/better/happier with the child in your life. You better be sure that you can live with it.
These are feelings on unwanted or unplanned, as mentioned above.
For the other situations such as rape, then it is my opinion that anyone who can�t even consider abortion is extremely insensitive. I cannot imagine being violated by a man in the worst way and then to have to give birth and see the result of that violation. I believe that the regret factor is very minimal here. And I wouldn�t think twice about doing it should that happen to me.
However, should a woman decide to keep it, then I would support her in that as well. I can�t imagine the hardship of that decision�.BUT THAT�S ONLY BECAUSE I CHOSE THE OTHER WAY. Just because I�ve never experienced the hardship, doesn�t mean it doesn�t exist.
I am so over this topic now.
