2:16 p.m. - 2004-10-07
This Title Is Misleading
I am not feeling it today kids. Just having a nervous break down of a day you know?
I finally have everything I�ve always wanted, but more importantly, what I�ve always needed. I have a place of my own where I alone am responsible for the upkeep and the bills. (And let me tell ya, those dishes and pile up. I mean, everyday? WTF? Now run home and kiss your wife for doing that everyday.) I have a group of friends that keep my social life busy. I have a job that I hate. Oh wait. Scratch that one. I have a boyfriend who has his own place and doesn�t feel pressured to rush things along. He�s self supporting and likes to go go go. I�m more of a go go, but I�m not gonna nit pick on that one.
And now, I feel like I�m about to lose it all. Some things over some very poor decisions I made a few years ago, and some because relationships tend to fizzle. Not that we�re really really fizzling. But strangely, it appears as though my move into town and our proximity to each other is going towards what I had feared. We can now see each other whenever and do whatever whenever. This is normal, I know. I just hate that part of relationships. Comfortable. Ew.
Am I bitching and moaning about nothing? No. Is it nothing like loosing a loved one, loosing a job, loosing one�s self? I dunno. I have no idea where all this rates on importance level.
Perhaps it isn�t important at all. Just a foreboding feeling of loosing something/anything I�ve finally obtained.
Plus�I noticed that being all sappy and emotional on my blog was on my To Do List today. I feel good that I can at least check that off. Perhaps I should do what a therapist would tell me to do (not that I know ahem)�
TO: Self
RE: Self Love
Dear Self,
You are loved!!!! You are smart, funny and gosh darnnit, people like you!!!!! You have a great job!!! Good friends who will support you!!! You have a boyfriend who you adore and adores you!!!!! You have savings in the bank for a rainy day and that�s what it�s for!!! A rainy day!!!! Hang in there!!!
Love,
Yourself
Hmmmmm. Fuck. That. Bullshit.
Let�s try again:
TO: SAA
RE: Suck It Up
Dear Self Absorbed Asshole:
If you need to be told you�re loved, then you ain�t feelin� it. So stop saying it, and just feel it man. You know you hate it when people tell you shit you already know, like you�re smart, funny, tall whatever. So why are you doing it to yourself? You already know all this asshole. And yeah! for you for having a boyfriend. Adore though? Come on. He doesn�t even know what that word means. Enjoy what you two do have and quit trying to make it more or better or covered in sparkles and shit. Enjoy now, today, you fuckwit. And way to go on saving up some money, cause it�s about to fucking pour down in rain. Because of this mastermind of a plan, you�ll land on your feet. So stop complaining. You still have your legs don�t you???
Sincerely,
Your better half
Ahhhhh. I love me. Nothing makes me feel better like I do. Except maybe porn.
You wish.
