8:07 a.m. - 2005-02-09
A Dog, A Hearse And A Bone
While sitting in traffic yesterday considering the effects of a mass homicide, I noticed three cars near me. Three totally different perspectives on life, which seemed to me as profound at the time, but just seems like something to say today.
Car numero uno had a bumper sticker that read “Please God, help me become the person my dog thinks I am”. I instantly recoiled at the sappy sentiment, and then began delving deeper into its meaning. Since I had the time and all. I began thinking of what her dog might really think of her. An abandoning bitch who leaves everyday for like, ever!, feeds him the same crap day after day, and never scratches his nuts the way he’d like.
Do you really want God to make you into THAT person? How much more cruel can we be as a race? We trap the dog in the house for the entire length of the day. Or even better, in the small yard with a see-through fence where other dogs that are free and roaming around can taunt them. I wish we could do this with people.
Anyways, it was just a thought.
The second car was a huge white hearse. Do high school kids still do this? Is there still the little Goth kids running around? I thought that fad had passed. My bad. Anyways, it was a beat up piece of shit, but a hearse nonetheless. If it were my friend’s car, I’d probably have nightmares about calling shotgun. I’d wake up in a cold sweat screaming it, just to make sure I wouldn’t have to ride in the back.
The third car was an old El Camino. You can pretty much sum up every guy who ever drove one of these. I’m glad to be out of that dating pool. He had huge stenciling across the top of his windshield that said “RIDE THE BONE”.
Good Lordy Lord! Seriously?? Ride the Bone??!!! Wow. I’d rather fuck the guy in the hearse thankyouverymuch.
In fact, I’d rather fuck the guy in the hearse in the BACK of the hearse than some guy who needs to say “Ride the Bone” on his car. Then again, due to the scuzziness of the car, perhaps he needs to advertise his availability.
So that was my deep moment in the world of traffic.
