10:00 a.m. - 2005-02-07
This Just In
‘Woman Killed Unexpectantly By Co-Worker’
Reported earlier this morning by her supervisor, a local woman who’s name was not released, was stabbed to death by a pencil by her co-worker, a Melissa Matthis. When asked what could be the reason for the sudden violent outbreak, the supervisor reports the following:
“We were all just sitting there, doing our work like normal, when I noticed this immensely loud smacking by Bern***. She was chewing on chex mix in a way that would have made God strike her down. I thought that if she didn’t stop, I would have to do something, but before I could, Melissa calmly reached for her pencil, turned around and stabbed Bern*** in the throat 10 times. I think the job was probably finished after stab number 8 though.”
When hauled away by the police, Ms. Matthis is reported as saying something along the lines of “The solitude of prison will be a relief.”
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Before you all start notifying the local authorities that you read some psycho's post today, please note that this is simply a joke. After noting that, you can fuck off with your lack of sense of humor.
